A comprehensive list of terrorist plots stopped by the TSA

Sid Meier, you will doom us all!

We all know of the vile set of programs known collectively as facebook apps. They are, of course, the collection of games, quizzes, and other oddities designed to draw in facebook users and suck up as many hours of their days as possible, presumably to feed some type of mystical time-consuming aberration against nature.


(artist's rendition of the of aforementioned time-eating aberration)

It is amazing how easily these applications accomplish their diabolical task. The simplest of games, boasting gameplay that only vaguely resembles interactivity, manage to acquire millions of users without breaking a sweat. Those that are actually fun (where "fun" apparently means "a spreadsheet with the word 'mafia' pasted all over it") can have a user base that rivals the population of the average European nation.

And now, into the midst of all this, steps Sid Meier, the man behind pretty much every game that involves unknowingly staying up until 4:00 AM playing the darn thing. The guy's pretty much mastered the art of creating addictions, and he recently has decided to offer his services up to the ungodly facebook beast that sucks the very vitality out of our lives like marrow from the bone.

If my guess is correct, it won't be long after Sid Meier's Civilization app for Facebook is released that the eldritch horror that feeds off of our wasted man-hours will gain its full strength, and let loose its wrath upon the world.



God help us all.

No, Fox News, I don't care what you think about Michael Jackson

Apparently Michael Jackson has died. There really never was anyone like him in the music world--the man revolutionized dancing, practically invented the music video, and gave the world some of its greatest pop songs.

What bugs me is the TV news anchors talking about MJ being a "freakshow" while reporting on this situation. Fox was doing it, CNN was doing it, and honestly, who cares about the opinions of news anchors during a situation like this?

The time for criticism is later. There is such a thing as tact, you know.

Of course, nowadays, such things as tact, courtesy, and compassion are almost considered vices when it comes to reporting the news. Suggesting that a news anchor not spout off about how he feels about a dying man is somehow equated with violating the anchor's first amendment rights. TV news is getting as bad as internet forums and youtube comments nowadays.

It's as though the simple fact that someone feels a certain way makes it okay for them to say degrading things in sensitive times.

It's not. Pure and simple.

Does anyone actually LIKE Lima beans?

You know, I can understand why Lima beans were originally eaten. Back in the hunter-gatherer days, all that really mattered was being able to find something you could stick in your mouth and swallow without ending up as a cold, lifeless hunk of flesh in the morning. So, when prehistoric man found out that a certain type of green seed could be eaten without turning a man into a corpse, they probably didn’t much care that the taste of said seeds was similar to that of the common pebble, which was slightly less edible.

I imagine that when the Neolithic Einstein first discovered that seeds could be planted and grown, no one gave a second thought to the idea of tilling the soil to grow the vile crop.

“We can eat these!” the ancient man would think while filling the earth with the little green seeds. “If we grow them ourselves, we will have plenty to eat!”

These fellows unfortunately did not have the foresight to see what agriculture would eventually become, nor could they predict how much pain and agony they would inflict on the world by continuing to grow the gut-wrenching seeds they had grown so fond of.

So as I sit down and eat from my bag of frozen mixed vegetables, wincing every time one of the accursed Peruvian beans makes contact with my tongue, I cannot blame the ancients for subjecting me to such torture any more than I can blame the inventor of the wheel for the bad traffic I must sit through every time the clock strikes 5:00pm. Rather, I blame the modern farmer for continuing the questionable practice of growing the foul things—holding on to a tradition that ought to have been abandoned centuries ago.

So farmers, grocers, fellow countrymen—heed the call. Do not support the production of the Lima bean any longer. Some practices are best left in the past.

This Grevious State of Unemployment

There's a chance that this is the worst time to graduate from college in the history of the United States.

The economy is getting to the point where we'd be satisfied if Obama's promise for change came in the form of sprinkling a few loose coins in the plastic cup we're holding on the street corner. As such, there are few jobs, and college graduates can't find a decent way to earn a living.

It's bad for us degree-holders, and I'm not sure it's ever been worse.

When I say this to my friends, an obvious objection always comes up:

"What about the Great Depression?" they say. "Surely you can't believe things are worse than the Great Depression!"

Then they act all smug and smile at me like they've they've successfully made me look like an idiot. Making me look like an idiot is a common occurrence, so I've learned to recognize the smile.

But in this case, I don't think they've succeeded. Yes, the Great Depression was worse for the country as a whole. Obviously. But I'm not sure it was worse for college graduates.

I took a look at the 1930 census, which said that there were about 1.2 million students enrolled in colleges at the time--a little less than 1% of the country's population. According to the 2000 census, 14.4 million people(5% of the population) were college students.

College graduates were few and far between during the Depression era. It is possible that they, being a rare resource, would be much more highly sought after by employers than the common uneducated schlub.

Today, your run-of-the-mill college graduate essentially is the common uneducated schlub.

With millions of students graduating from college across the nation this past month, BAs are such a common possession that they've lost their value. Employers have little reason to be impressed by them any more than they're impressed by the three months you spent working at Burger King last Summer.

And so, in this economic climate where jobs are scarcer than honest politicians, unemployment is not as embarrassing of a state as it was in recent years past.

Of course, this is all just a way for me to make myself feel better about not having found a job yet. That's right: I have officially delved through government databases in order to bolster my shattered ego.

Woo.

The Arbitrary Beginning

So here I am: A man with the goal of writing for a living, starting an unknown blog among the millions already in existence, with only my skills as a resource. Sounds like a good start, no?

Now, a blog is no way to make a living, but it is a way to write. So, I'll be using this blog to practice my writing. Or, at least, I hope I will--writing for an audience of zero may get disheartening.

It's my goal to get this blog so filled up that no one will even notice that this entry exists. We shall see how that works out.